I had the urge the other night to play Ella Fitzgerald’s “Someone To Watch Over Me” — her version with the London Symphony Orchestra.
Seriously. Stop right now, and go listen to it. It’s all the way magical and soothing and sad and inspiring and hopeful and beautiful. (Links: Apple Music or Spotify )
And that’s exactly how I felt as I drove home around midnight.
I’ve been waiting for something…for someone.
My heart was awakened to a possibility last year and the beginning of this year. It was someone I would have never considered. And in perfect Patrice fashion, he had and has no clue…
Therefore, I spent the last few months mulling over possibilities…
As you know, I’m such a champion of romance. Not merely in its fantastical state but in its meeting and greeting us in the ordinary.
And then in December 2018, something remarkable happened.
But let me refresh the backdrop.
My song throughout all of 2018 was: “Not if, but when…”
God had met me in a tender place of vulnerability and whispered this phrase fiercely to my soul.
I had reached another level of surrender in early 2018 – plain and simple I had given up on the idea of romance really happening for me. And through a series of fantastical events, I was beautifully reminded that the story wasn’t over.
Yes, my heart was still aching, but at the same time it was being healed.
I felt overlooked. But profoundly seen by God.
And then in December of 2018, a close friend of mine texted me out of the blue to tell me that a prophetic person who didn’t know me and had never met me, called my name out in a gathering and said that I needed to be present at this gathering the following week.
Let that sink in for a moment.
A person I’ve never met before called out my name ‘randomly’ where a friend of mine happened to be present – just at the time I needed reassurance-- a heart life-line of hope.
(Oddly enough, I didn’t even feel as though I was ‘looking’ for a life-line of sorts back in December – but now that we are here in March – I’m feasting off of that encouragement.)
As much as I try to wrestle with God, I can’t deny that He SEES us.
He knows us.
Like KNOWS us.
So I go to this beautiful gathering of God lovers, and what do you think I do….I try and hide in the back. Naturally.
What happens midway through this event coming from the stage, “Is Patrice here? Is Patrice here?”
*Picture me like a deer in headlights, looking to my left and to my right*
And from the back I slowlyyyyy raise my hand.
“Uh huh, I see what you’re trying to do. *smiles* But make sure you stay….”
And so I did.
And then when the attention was on me, I was simply asked, “What’s on your heart, that you’ve been asking God for?”
And the first thing that flowed out of my mouth….
“Marriage”
and then secondly….
“Wisdom and success for my new company Together Good Co.”
And the reply I got, was simply, “It’s done.”
Of which I knew the truth of that in my bones, even before it was said out loud. But it all seemed so impossible and hard to believe.
But now—but now it was public. So very Public.
Why was this so important that it had to happen in front people, especially knowing that I love being an introvert.
You know why I think?
I think the Lord knew in his amazing wisdom that I would need a public declaration of the promise spoken over my life, as a reminder to my heart…..I reminder that I couldn’t quickly dismiss or recant.
Because now, somehow my little old love story has become bigger than just me. And the fact that you are reading this story tells me that.
There’s provision for you. Meaning that, the road is meant to lead you to a blessing that will fill you with hope as you wait for your good thing – AND joyfully receive and partake in your good thing.
This inner dialogue of mine-- this romantic longing, dream and journey of sorts has now become an incredible testimony and proclamation, where others have now and are continually attaching their Yes & Amen to it.
A portrayal of beautiful providence.
I couldn’t have planned out these instances and circumstances if I tried.
I’m amazed.
I’m amazed at the intentionality of God. The care to detail. The joy, the inspiration, the hope that is always present in Him.
I left that night feeling seen and vulnerable in the best of ways.
I had friends (that are more like family) present that night; and to know that they were there, just made the whole experience that much sweeter.
Sooo, with such a revelation, you might think I’m writing you to tell you I’m engaged.
But lest we forget how this blog post story began.
The person I had been considering for a few months, is by no means interested in me, and I’m not in the business of manipulating.
And so I steadily wait.
I continue to live honestly, passionately and with a sense of humor.
In the midst of that, I fondly think of my dad and the type of husband he was to my mother and I somehow become more blown away the older I get.
He was truly a man of integrity.
And so, I’m driving down the highway, listening to Ella Fitzgerald, missing my dad a bit. And also longing for my future husband. There’s something to be said for a protective, kind masculine presence in one’s life.
My dad was such a champion and coach of other people’s dreams. Including my own.
I haven’t wondered much why I never ended up moving to Texas (as we all thought would happen over a year ago) at least the move is not happening now or in the near future.
Because now I see, there’s been so much purpose and beauty in me coming home and staying in California.
But I still had to take a step to move out of my previous comfort zone.
And so I’m driving on the highway back home. Missing that masculine tangible comforting presence in my life and tears roll down my eyes as I hear Ella’s voice sing.
I go to bed thinking…
“Will he notice me…or will the man that stirs my heart be ready for me?”
“Is this even important anymore?”
And I lay down frustrated.
I wake up.
No visions, no crazy dreams, no magical unicorns greet me with a message. And I go about my day.
But at night, my mom had been going through another old treasure chest of my dad’s old paperwork--doing a bit of Spring cleaning.
She calls to me and says: “Look what I found…”
Amidst years worth of birthday cards I had given to my dad, both bought and handmade, there was an envelope with my handwriting on it.
It was an envelope of cash.
It was money I had given to my dad years and years ago to pay him back for something he had done for my car.
A significant amount of cash that my dad had never taken out of the envelope and used.
He simply saved it.
He saved it.
He had saved it for me.
And it happened to be cash that I actually needed the day my mom handed it to me.
Again, God in His kindness saying to me, your coach is still here, cheering you on, believing in your dreams and helping guide you to the man he’s always envisioned you to be with.
Man, it feels good to have someone watching over me.
Selah.
x
Wisdom’s Knocking:
“Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb
There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me”
--“Someone to Watch Over Me”,
Songwriters: Ira Gershwin / George Gershwin