Photo Credit: Elias Garlaza
The car sped off before I was safely in my own car.
I had been dropped...
Off.
It was dark, and I fumbled for my keys, and then I finally opened my car door.
The trail of the car that dropped me off was long gone, as if to say, "Good riddance."
I sat in my car in the dark for a moment. When someone doesn't follow through to make sure I'm safe, I'm urked. Then, I feel sad. Then, I'm urked again. Then I feel a bit humiliated. And yes, then I'm urked again.
It's always in the details and in the little things...It's those things that always seem to say so much. So much more than we intend them to.
But I pay attention to those things, and you are communicating something to me through those seemingly little and insignificant things.
So when the tenderness I love to shower people with is not met by their own actions towards me, I can't help but feel ripped off.
I could tell that other things and people were constant distractions floating through my friend's mind. Even if they wouldn't admit it.
And all day, I was feeling extremely emotional and heavy in the spirit, if you know what I mean.
But in it all, I chose to be present in the moment with high and lovely expectations-- as much as one could have.
And unknown to my friend, I was struggling to feel loved, heard, seen, appreciated, and honored in the moments that we were having.
By the end of the day I was exhausted.
My well of patience and joy had somehow gone dry.
We were both tired.
You see, when one has an extremely unexpected good day, like the one I had a few days ago, the tendency is to try to recreate that feeling, that vibe, that emotion, to make a sequel of sorts.
But then life happens.
And things don't play out quite the same way.
But oh, how we wish they did.
And then the very thing that I was trying to avoid through it all happens...disappointment and heartbreak.
With a car speeding off, before I am safely tucked away into mine.
Wisdom's Knocking:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-C.S. Lewis