Don't we just love the Psalms.
David, who is credited for writing a majority of the Psalms in the Old Testament, almost appears to be going through a mental breakdown of sorts when you go through the journey of this particular book in Scripture.
One moment he's singing the praises of God and how loved he feels (Psalm 34) and the next moment he's yelling in frustration about how He feels God has abandoned him (Psalm 13).
But my favorite takeaway from David and the Psalms is this: Learning to encourage, speak to, and build up your own soul (Psalm 43:5)...
So I get out of the car tonight, after having a serious talk with myself. And I'm feeling crunk (do people still use that word anymore??). Anyway, I'm feeling like I could swiftly knockout any shady character that dared to step in my super hero sphere.
But let's rewind a bit.
Let's just go back 30 minutes before I get out of the car.
Tears.
I was stood up this week, ya'll.
Yep. I almost had a date. And then I didn't...
I was preparing my heart for magic, as one should do -- but as you know, this is a dangerous playing field of sorts.
It requires hopeful living...
And here I was, just a week or so fresh off of a blog post titled, "New Hope" that my hope get's challenged in the most incredible way.
If you think I'm not susceptible to a challenge and a fight in the arena of Hope, all I have to say to that is. NOPE, you're dead wrong.
Oh, and to top it off, another one of my past summer 2014 crushes is now engaged to be married. That news hit over the weekend, and my response at the time was, "Yep. Of course. #sideeyes"
As you know, my sweet reader, I haven't been on a date in about 7 years or so. I'm not even quite sure if I even know how to do it.
But alas, this week, I was ready to put myself out there, because of who he was and how my heart was already smitten. Yes, the battlefield is always somewhat inviting, albeit treacherous.
And I had nerves and lovely butterflies all week.
Until tonight.
A horrible punch to the gut.
Which led to me to think this horrible, stupid train of thought that I would somehow make a bad girlfriend or wife, therefore I should just resign to my nun-like status. Since it's what I know and it's what I'm comfortable with, as painful as it is.
It's so crazy, how we don't need other people to sabotage our dreams and promises--we often and readily do it ourselves!
So you see Hope does not equal easy. Even for me.
And while we're at it--Neither does Love.
Having Hope and Love anchored in our lives doesn't mean we'll coast through trials and heartache, but rather, it means we now know what we are fighting for in the midst, and can become strengthened through the resistance of the trial and battlefield. Much like your physical muscles gain strength through the resistance of the weight you train with.
So I was in the car.
And I was waiting for someone to magically call me and just encourage me and my heart.
No one called.
I almost called my mom. But I knew I really wouldn't have a conversation with her, it would just be me crying over the phone. But I needed to cry.
So I did.
In my car.
And then I talked to God.
I asked Him what He thought of all this and my predicament.
I didn't hear anything.
But something shifted in my spirit.
And I said out loud: "Patrice, you know you are made for love. Future babies, I don't know who your dad is gonna be, but I promise, you'll have a dad....Soon. Now let's get out of this car."
And I did.
And I felt like Rocky.
I was staying in the ring. With my bruised ribs, my swollen eye, and my broken nose.
I'm realizing more and more, that our "Field of Dreams" must first be plowed before being built and established...
And to me, love is always worth fighting for.
I now believe so strongly, that love in all its extravagance, splendor, and power still exists for you and I, and that this love will begin to unfold in some very real, surprising, and glorious ways for us this year, especially in the realm of relationships.
I may be bruised.
But I am still showing up for 2015.
Because I know, these things require a fight, and God has already spoken the truth--that "Love Never Fails."
Wisdom's Knocking:
“Fight the good fight of faith..."