Photo Credit: Ashley Johnson
Yeah. That's pretty much how that sentence played out in my mind. There was no concrete answer in between the "Always" and "Never".
Picture this. Your name is on an RSVP. You've received the confirmation of your RSVP in the mail. You get to the destination with overwhelming anticipation. Then you finally reach the semi-intimidating name-list-checker person at the front of the line. This person seems to control your immediate destiny. Will you pass "Go" or simply "Go to Jail" as it were.
You give your name.
And like clockwork.
Your name is not on the list.
But...but.
"I don't have time for 'but's'," says the stern list-checker.
It's decided.
And where's the fairness in that?
You walk away in disgrace and confusion.
But it can't be over? It hasn't even begun?? You waited all your life for this. You're just about to pass the official doorway, when...
A second door opens before you can process the first slap.
You think to yourself, is this an open door or a trap. Not sure.
And a stern voice asks your RSVP'd guest. "Have you been checked off on the list".
The air is silent. Then the wind carries the rest.
It's a faint whisper of a Yes, from some one's lips. And I didn't stop them.
"Alright, then. Right this way." says the big man at the door.
:::
So wait. Did I just get in by lying? Even though I was already on the official list?
Why did I bother making reservations? And preparing--Trying to do it the right way all this time. What for?
And then today, something flashed in my mind. Matthew 12: 1-4, 6. When clinging to the right and perceived proper protocol to do in a given situation wasn't necessarily the thing to do. But there's still a deep lesson of humility in this. Of which I'm still dissecting.
:::
I think one of my greatest fears is preparing for something great, RSVP-ing, going about it all the right way, only to find out my name mysteriously disappeared from the list, or being denied, or my invitation revoked. Yes, that was a marriage metaphor.
There's a verse in the Bible that says, that God is not like man, God doesn't lie (Numbers 23:19). (So clearly He wouldn't have been tangled up in that RSVP scenario, since God is truth, the reality of His name being on the list would have immediately surfaced...I digress) So in essence there is no deception in God. What a freeing thought if I could truly grasp and believe that whole heartedly. Because I'm sometimes thrown off by His mysterious and humorous way of doing things.
And then I hear Him gently whispering to me: What I have for you is good. It is good.
And perhaps that good and perfect that God has for me, won't come in the package of marriage. Gasp!!! (I know, it almost sounds like blasphemy coming from my lips) Even though I've often defined His good and perfect for me as marriage. I also trust God way beyond my own present whims/crushes and desires to define good and perfect for me. And YES. That. is. difficult. To surrender, wholly and trust God. Yes. I cry often. But, I also laugh a lot.
Being emptied and dying to self isn't in end in itself. It's unto life, unto so much more. Unto being filled with more of God and the capacity to not just receive blessings but to give them away--because of the rich overflow.
So clearly my hypothetical RSVP story wasn't hypothetical at all. But at this point I know it's trying to show me something. Something to be emptied, that will soon be filled.
Everything at the moment maybe almost. But God is always--Good.
Wisdom's Knocking:
That good thing that you've been waiting for is GOING to happen.
God is good.