We all have a preconceived way of how we think our life, our love, our dreams should play out.
But often these things never play out as imagined. There is always some disconnect.
I used to get frustrated and throw tantrums with the disconnect.
Like: “God, why would you tell me to dream if these dreams never come out as planned anyway??”
But then God would simply reminded me, in only the way that He can:
But who’s story are you trying to tell, Patrice?
Who gave you the dreams to begin with?
Who’s responsibility is it to make these dreams come fully to pass?
And like a beautiful dance, I’ve invited you to partner with Me, not to lead Me, but to follow.
I fear we often feel entitled.
Which is funny for me to say, since I call myself angered and embittered by “entitled” people of all walks of life.
But alas, there is something of a spec, or rather a log in my own eye as well.
But we do—we feel entitled most of the time.
As if something is always owed to us, because something went awry or something went wrong against our favor.
Or in other cases, we feel as though our lives are marked by a streak of bad luck. In which case, makes trusting anyone almost unbearable.
Nevertheless.
“I’ve invited you to partner with me, not to lead me, but to follow…”
That feels and looks like something.
Yes, a heart open to love, hard work, and discipline; and also a sense of submission and surrender, otherwise known as obedience to what you know God is asking of you in your life.
I know, I KNOW.
Nobody likes to hear that word obedience.
It makes me tense up just to write it.
But Jesus marks true love, not simply by worship and adoration, or acknowledgement of God in our lives, but by obedience.
“If you’ll do what I command…” Ask of, inquire of…
That is the ultimate true display of love and trust.
This also marks a sense of true friendship with God; a friendship brimming with love, peace and a sense of security as we journey in life. John 15:12-15 reminds us of this.
Patrice, will you not act thirsty when you see a handsome looking guy with a New Zealand accent and piercing eyes.
Me: But let me try to holla right quick.
Patrice, will you trust Me.
Me: I totally do.
I mean, isn’t that the reason why he's standing right in front of me this very moment?? Didn’t YOU bring him into my life for such a time as this! Don’t worry. I got this handled! Thank you. K. Bye.
Insert: My own demise. My very cinematic crash and burn.
A year seemingly wasted playing games, mainly with my own emotions. And reaping the sour benefits of a romantic choice void of God’s intent and initial direction.
Simply because I refused to trust and believe that God wanted to do so much more for my own love story and life.
That’s what my own distrust and defiance looked like.
But here’s the real beauty.
With my body on the ground and my face in mud--It was in that place, that I simply whispered, “I’m sorry...I can’t do this anymore….and yes, I might have been…..well, I think I was…………….Okay. Let’s be real. I WAS WRONG.
And in that moment, I’m reconnected with Love again.
Forgiveness pours over me.
The channels of kindness are reopened to my soul.
And we address the issues at hand.
Because, if you think your always right in every circumstance that you’ve ever been in life. Um. Hashtag PRIDE.
And sorry to burst your bubble, but even the best of us are never right all the time.
So don’t be afraid to get humble, to admit when you’re wrong. I promise, you’ll live to see another day.
And not only that, you’ll get to experience first hand what it feels like to discover, what I call “Tender Mercies”: A fresh perspective on life and love. A viewpoint that is expanded beyond our previous limited vision of things.
But back to the issues at hand:
Yes, I honestly didn’t trust you God. Because every good and perfect thing you’ve ever given me, never looked like how I’d imagine it to look.
And I’m fearful again.
I'm fearful that I'll be so awkward that my future man will never want to ask me out on a date.
I’m fearful that You’re gonna make me have a baby at 50 years old. (Um, Yes, this happens...) And I’m already tired just thinking about it at 36….(And I was hoping to have a tribe of kids by 25....)
I’m fearful, that although my future husband, in all his seeming perfectness (strictly in my imagination), will turn out to have some weird “thing” that we will have to work on through our entire marriage.
I’m fearful that I’m always going to feel “in between” and “stuck”….
And with one short sentence, God calms my racing mind.
Trust Me.
And He reminds me of how intricately He knows my heart and my hidden thoughts.
He asks me perfect questions like:
But who’s leading this dance? And who’s writing this story? And did you cause the sun to rise this morning?...
You know that verse where Jesus says, “Ask...Seek...Knock?”
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)
It’s in a continuous tense in the original language--meaning, never stop asking, never stop seeking, never stop knocking.
That, in and of itself speaks volumes.
Moreover, you find what you seek.
If you find yourself brooding on a past which was riddled with distrust and cheating friends and lovers, you’ll mysteriously find yourself crossing paths with many of the same types of people and repeating similar cycles.
But if you trust God in knowing that He is writing a better story, you will look for those shooting stars, small acts of kindness, and sunsets, amidst the pain and confusion, and know that He is speaking directly to you of a better and new chapter that is right around the corner.
Just never stop looking.
We will find what we seek.
These dreams of ours, we won’t be able to accomplish them on our own. If we were able to, they wouldn’t truly be dreams---things out of reach, out of the ordinary, the average, the norm, things we could do in our own strength.
photo credit: evan kaufmann
I’ve been thinking quite a bit of the Wright Brothers recently—you know the brothers who invented the first successful airplane in 1903. And how that one dream and invention changed our world forever. A life’s work and dream, actually.
I wonder what those first conversations between the two of them were like and especially with others, as they tried to describe a piece of machinery that would make you fly like a bird.
Could you imagine??
Something so outside of your normal realm of thinking.
That’s what dreams do, they challenge everything within us and around us.
And not to mention the sense of failure.
How many failed attempts before the dream of the airplane realized? Oh, I can only imagine the heartbreak.
But the dream was realized and fulfilled.
I wonder how differently the plane looked to the Wright Brothers in 1903 versus how they first pondered and thought it would look years prior.
And let’s not even talk about what planes look like, and can do now.
Because yes. Although these dreams and love stories of ours rarely play out as we would expect them to --
I am more convinced than ever they will prove to be what you’ve never known you’ve always wanted and needed…
Trust.
Wisdom’s Knocking:
Dream on Dreamer. Dream on.