how to

How to Get a Good Girl [Back]



     I did this for you. Or rather for us.

     I'm becoming more and more aware of my target audience. And it feels so good and it feels so right to address you all as Queens.

     But now I'm turning our attention to the Kings...

     I'm a little confounded when men cry out that there's no good women out there, or that all the good women are taken. Rubbish.

     They clearly haven't met you or I.  [Subtle Giggle...#Facts]

     So Fellas, here are some of the very tip-toppy ways to get a good girl on your team, in your life, like real loyal, like the status of a wife....

     (Or for some of you...how to try and win her back...)

Let's Go:

A.  Would You "Woo-Woo-Woo..." #JeffreyOsbourne

     Get your "Woo" skills out.

     Texting and Facebook stalkery is not going to cut it here.

     Show her you want her attention. Be intentional and follow through.

     If you don't have her number, ask for it.

     If you have her number, call her (try not to email or text this whenever possible) and ask her for a date (Coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, 20 min. frozen yogurt date, drinks, etc., etc.) at least 2-3 days in advance. Last minute shenanigans shows a lack of respect for her and her time.

     We as women, love to know what we're in for, especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. And if your being wishy-washy about your Woo-Game, then you might just lose a potential Good Girl...

     If you've dated her in the past, take her to one of her favorite spots.

     And all in all, the art of wooing a woman has a lot to do with listening to her and looking her in her eyes.  Let her express her day, her hopes, her dreams, her disappointments without interruption.

     At the end of your time with her, it should be clear to her that you are saying, "You should be mine...all mine."




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B.  Emotionally Invested

     Are you the guy that's been so wounded by women and people that you brood all day and play a guitar all night?

     Is your heart even open for love?

     When you as a man, choose to allow your heart to feel and not only feel, but get emotionally connected to a good girl--your life will never be the same.  #Trust

     She will fill the reservoirs of your heart with joy, encouragement, and hope for your future. She'll make sure you're on the road to reaching your dreams as well as her own.

     When you show an active interest in at least one or two things that your particular Good Girl likes to do, or her work/career grind, she will be one of your biggest cheerleaders in life.

     Furthermore, when you choose to not only invest in her personal endeavors, but to invest emotionally -- sharing your own stories, those stories that have shaped your life, whether trauma or triumph, you're letting your lady know that she's the one you're choosing to share your heart with and you want her to be a significant part of your life.






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C. Compliment Her

     So yeah. That's pretty straightforward....

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 D.  Tell it to the World

     Sure, you can make it "Facebook Official", but more importantly, your family and close friends should know when you are really startin' to "feel" a particular Good Girl.

     And yes, there might be haters out there. And haters gon' hate.

     But when your Good Girl sees that you aren't ashamed to tell the world about your love and adoration for her, I can guarantee she's gonna want to stick around for the long run. #TeamLoyal





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Bonus Material:  
     You've noticed she's sultry and cute on Instagram and looks intriguing--even on Facebook, but how do you know she's not crazy? Better yet, how do you know if she's a ride or die, legit "Good Girl?" 
How to Spot a Good Girl: 
+An online presence just isn't' going to cut it. You'll need real life experience for this. 
+You think you've spotted a Good Girl online...Well... as quick as you can, get from the virtual world to the real world. Be brave. Shoot her a message via email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. BUT be a Gentle-man about yours. And if you two have mutual friends, even better (actually PREFERRED). But start a gentle dialogue online for at least a few weeks. Ask her how her day was, what's she's looking forward to, etc. After a few weeks, if it's wise, safe, and advantageous (for BOTH involved), and she hasn't put the pause or halt on your communication, ask her for a low-key coffee date. The goal is to get from the virtual world to the real world as soon as possible, to find out the Truth: 
+ How does she talk about her friends, people in general -- if she's prone to gossip and see the worst in a given situation. All I have to say to you is: NOPE. 
+Look for the girl who is genuinely encouraging the heck out of the other ladies in the room. 
+Look in your circle of amazing friendships, often we discount our own circle of friends. But get over that awkwardness and take the leap!
+At a coffee shop, notice how your potential crush talks to the barista or cashier.
People are constantly showing you who they really are, we simply have to pay attention...#Selah









Wisdom's Knocking:

He who finds a wife, finds what is good.
And receives favor from the Lord.

- Proverbs 18:22








4 Things I Learned From Waiting On My Good Things To Arrive...

   


     Everyone talks about the hustle, the go-out-and-get-it-done-mode. But what if that still small voice is telling you to wait? Are you a crazy person? Are you being lazy to just wait? Perhaps.

     I mean, I don't know you personally, but often that still small voice is God trying to tell you something. 

     There's a place for hustle. But there's also a place for waiting.

Here are 4 things I've learned in waiting for some Good Things to Arrive into  My Life:

1. Like a toddler who can't have his favorite toy right away, there will be tears.   
    Yes. There will be tears. AND IT'S OKAY. 
     Let's get passed this weird thought that crying makes you weak. I'd rather release the stress out of my body than hold onto it and inherit illness. 
     So with that said, You will cry and get frustrated and be tempted to throw a prom like pity party. But DON'T. Allow yourself some tears. It means you actually care about the good thing you are waiting for. 
     Plus, our tears are never wasted material in God's eyes. But rather, something very, very precious to Him. And I find that tears keeps our own hearts soft and not calloused towards ourselves, God, or people.


2. Surround yourself with hope-filled people.  
      We all know that misery loves company. And gossip breeds like weeds, ready to choke out the life of the offender and the listeners. 
     So make sure you have a good core of people (1-3) that encourage you and remind you of your own heart and your own hopes and dreams when you forget yours or when you rather jump ship regarding the thing you're waiting for. 
     No one achieves success on their own. No one. 
     It's been said that you are the average of the 5 people you hang around the most.  
     Um. What. Can we just let that sink in for a minute.




     Okay. 
     So if these people closest to you are not reflecting the very best of you...you may delay the good thing that is trying to get to you.  
     Mind you, there may be a Judas in the pack, but they should definitely not be the majority of your closest friendships.


3. Others will most likely get that good thing you've been waiting on, BEFORE YOU. And it's imperative you learn to celebrate with them. 
     If you can't, I can promise you that bitterness is ready to snatch your little heart up and make you look and feel like an 88 year old full of regret before your time. 
     And when you're unable to celebrate the victory of others, you display a sense of emotional immaturity. Showing that you're not quite ready for your good thing to arrive. 
     Because you see, good things, while they are for us, are not meant to stop with us. They are meant to flourish and be shared.  
     And if our heart's intent is solely selfish, God has such a tender way of softening our hearts and motives with His love.  
     Learning to celebrate someone else's victory with a sincere heart (fake smiles don't count here) will free you up in the long run. 
     But look, I'm not asking you to fake it out. I want you to be honest with God, and tell Him that your heart, your pride, your whatever is hurt while in the midst of celebrating someone else's victory if that be the case. 
      I find when I'm this real and honest with God, He somehow does what my dad would do in real life when I was a young girl. My dad would often take me for frozen yogurt. TCBY to be exact.  
     It was my favorite thing to do with my dad.  
    We didn't have to talk or anything. My dad just knew that I needed a pick-me-up. That something was weighing on my heart and I just needed something good, something sweet. 
     I find that God continues to do this in my life. Whether someone sends me an encouraging email out of the blue, a sweet comment on my blog or Instagram, gives me a free dessert on my tab, or simply offers to give me a hug. I take these "TCBY" moments and I hold them dear. 
     God knows. 
     He knows.  
     You good thing will still arrive on perfect time.



4. It's all about timing.  
     One thing I've learned the most regarding waiting, is Timing is truly everything. 
     Has this ever happened to you?... 
     You're at the mall, and you randomly bump into a friend you haven't seen in years, a  co-worker, neighbor or someone you were just thinking about the week prior? 
     Or... 
     You go on vacation, and you start chatting with a random group of people, only to find out that you all have a mutual friend in common? 
     Do you ever think of all the variables that have to fall in place for such an encounter to actually happen??  
     I mean, with our little mall example, the stop light had to change green at a certain time. Your parking space had to be so many minutes away from the front door in order for you to bump into your co-worker, neighbor, or long lost friend at the right time. Not to mention the variables at play with the other person you ran into! 
     But then, you realize that encounter didn't just reconnect you briefly with that person, but sparked a domino effect of either memories, dreams, stories, that would then begin to flavor the rest of your day from there on out. Perhaps some things that you needed to pay attention to in that particular season of life. 
     I've noticed that God truly does know the beginning from the end. And He knows all the different variables at play and what will be playing when your blessing is meant to arrive.  
     If you had gotten your dream job 5 years earlier, you may not have had time to pour into that new relationship that God brought your way. 
     And if you had gotten your dream relationship 5 years earlier, you may have been deterred from walking out some key life and career paths and experiences that God had been inviting you into, let alone, growing in emotional maturity, being ready to love your future beloved well.    
     This is one of the hardest lessons I've learned regarding waiting. Trusting the timing of God. One that I honestly still struggle with.
     But as I look back on my life and the opportunities that have been afforded to me and the miraculous and perfect timing of those things coming into my life, I can't help but trust God with my romance story.
****   

     And with that said, I simply invite you to do the same... To wait with expectancy, to cry when you need to, to allow yourself to be surrounded by encouraging and hope-filled people, to celebrate the victories of others, and to trust that God's timing is at work now even when you think nothing is happening.

     Don't worry, my friend. Your good thing was always, always meant to arrive.




Wisdom's Knocking:

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 
who does not change like shifting shadows."

- James 1:17 




The Structure of Fun



     I know that we as single people have something that our lovely in-relationship folks don't have: Time.

     Sure, the different groups both have 24 hours in the day, but these hours are extraordinarily different for the single person vs. the person who is married vs. the person who has kids vs. the person who just fell in love.

     As single people we often have something I like to call, a trap or a treasure, or in other words: Free Time.

     It's this free time that can become dangerous. And before you know it, you find yourself spiraling and eating whole boxes of graham crackers, baking brownies, and dump cakes all in the same day and still not getting your laundry done or paying your bills on time.

     Now I'm a free bird. In almost every sense of the word and I don't like feeling caged in, or subjected to things I have.to.do.

     And in these past weeks having a break from my television work, I let myself roam free. Because what better way to exercise this freedom, than to have an open day schedule. I'm free like that.

     And so I tell myself casually, I have this, that, and the other to do tomorrow in the midst of my fun and relaxing day. Only to get to that lovely tomorrow, and get sidetracked at 10AM by my last email that took me to Pinterest at 10:30AM, which then led me to a picture of New Zealand.  And by 12 noon, of course I need to plan a trip there. So I start researching plane tickets and tours.

     And then somehow it's 1PM. And that didn't get done, nor did this. Plus, now I'm kind of hungry, but I need to write or do something fun. Yeah, something more fun than writing right now. Let's catch up on some of my favorite TV shows like "Suits" or "Psych". And I'm 20 minutes in, and I hear this cool song playing in the background in one of the scenes. I immediately pause the episode, get on Google and research the song. And since I'm online, I should probably check my email again...

     And now it's 3PM. I finally decide to eat. Something low key. Brownies, of course.

     While eating my nutritious meal, I wonder if I can catch the tale end of "The Steve Harvey" show. I love that show. His producers are fantastic. Have you seen his show? The segments they come up with are Brilliant. And then I think, Oh,  how I love funny guys; and how I wish that I could a marry a funny guy one day.

     And then I think about how I want to be in love.  It's now 5PM. I decide to sweep the kitchen and wash dishes to get my mind off of this revelation. I also want to show myself I have some bit of productivity accomplished by the end of the day.

    Afterwards, once again,  I think about how I'm not in love, and how I didn't get an invitation to Charlie and Susie's wedding last year. I decide it's a good time to write, to write about how I feel about that. It's now 7PM.

     Post is done, it's now 9PM. I'm exhausted.

     From doing basically nothing all day.

    Because the focus of the day, my casual goals of: This, that, and the other never got accomplished, at least not fully.

     And yet, my mind was still racing, and my body still felt oddly tense. This freedom was killing me. My day was neither fully fun nor relaxing.

     Isn't it interesting that freedom, to be truly enjoyed needs some type of boundary.

     Well I learned the hard way.

     After listening to "Lucille's Life Class" (Also known as: Talking to my mom on the phone), It became ever so clear that the same routine I began to implement while working from home for weeks at a time, was the same type of structure I needed to maintain for my relaxed fun and free days.

     But instead, it would be a "Relaxed Routine". Same exact structure premise, just a different name to help throw my brain into "Calm the freak down" mode.

     And sure 'nuff, can I just tell you that I accomplished this, that, and the other regarding my fun and free objectives and had time to spare. And at the end of the day, I felt at ease, grateful, accomplished, and excited for the next day.

     And time had once again become a treasure, rather than a trap.

Here Are 3 Nuggets to Help You Turn Your Time into Treasure Instead of a Trap:

1. It's best to do 4-5 grown folk intervals in a day. What are grown folk intervals They are what I like to call 90 minute time frames or windows. 
Plan to do a major task, and that task alone for 90 minutes. Then take a 30-60 minute break before you begin the next block. This even applies to housekeeping work, bills, rest, meetings, etc. 
2. Disable unnecessary social media notifications from your phone and only check email once every 2-4 hours.  
If your in my industry, of Hollywood entertainment, I know your mouth is on the floor right now. Because we have to basically respond to emails before you send them to us. 
But I've learned, that people will take over whatever time you hand over to them. But if you learn to manage your time consistently with a good work ethic, this is not an impossible thing-- to not check your social media and email every 5 minutes.  
Meanwhile, look up and talk to a real live person, or start working on those things that matter to your heart, you know, your dreams and such. 
3.  Lastly, plan your rest and fun time. And when you can be specific, that helps as well.
At the end of today I'll write my 4 grown folk intervals for tomorrow down on a piece of scratch paper, something like: 
- Write Blog Post / Handle Things Pertaining to My Blog 
- Fun Time - Watch Episode of "Once Upon a Time"
- Finish Reading the Current Book I'm In
- Work on Newsletter for Blog 

     My day will most likely end around 6PM, and then I can just hang, doodle, search the web, eat brownies, etc.

    All the while, not feeling out of control, and having a full day, full of such peace and freedom. It can happen to you too. #Cheesywink




Wisdom's Knocking:

Let your time become a treasure, rather than a trap.  

 ***
Extras: If you're one of my blog subscribers, I'll be sharing with you the article that shifted everything for me in regards to productivity. Of which my 3 nuggets are inspired by.

 Haven't subscribed yet? No worries! Here's the link to sign up. Click Here. 








How to Heal From a Broken Heart

     


     In many ways it seemed doomed from the beginning. But he was cheeky. He was hot. And he wanted me. Three of my favorite traits in a man.

     I ignored the still small voice telling me to just walk away. I was hard-headed, stubborn, and I needed wanted to see this thing through somehow. You know, when you just want to see how the movie ends for yourself. And sometimes, no amount of sage advice can steer your course otherwise.

     But be prepared, because experience is an often cruel professor.

     I knew I was taking a risk, I knew that if I ignored the gentle voice of caution for too long, there was going to be a crash and burn. We were like fire, he and I.

     With him, there were a lot of firsts --first dates by the pier, first embraces under the stars, first kisses on the hillside...and lots of laughs and silliness.

     Oh, how I wanted to be hopeful.

     And then the day finally happened when I chose to give my heart over, knowing that it wasn't completely in safe hands. "But if only I give him more time to change, we'd be happier--I'd be happier."

     Pause.

     See that was my flaw.

     Waiting to get happy, instead of already being happy.

     And my second flaw:

     Trying to change a man.

     Ladies & Gentlemen:

     We do not change people. We do not control people. And what you see is often what you get.

     And any change or control that you have manipulated or forced onto someone's life, is often an illusion and won't be sustained for the long term.

     If there is any changing to be had, let God author it in their lives. The chances of  that change being sustained is far greater.

     "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

     That goes for both the good and bad...

     And then we crashed and burned.

     He cheated and now there was a baby involved. Hers.

     And I spent my nights crying and heaving and crying some more. My heart was utterly and sincerely broken. That was brand new and all kinds of awful for me.

     My tender heart was now thorny and raw.

     So this is what they meant when they talked of a broken heart.

     But I didn't want to look gray, nor did I want to feel like it for the rest of my life.

     And slowly, weeks and months pass, a letter comes from him. Sincere and apologetic, but expressed everything that I had already known beforehand. We were never truly meant to be together.

     And the second blow of heart break pounds my chest, sending reverberations like questions in a mathematician's mind. Why did it all have to figure out like this?

     But replaying and asking questions that were neither here nor there, wouldn't lead me to what I was lacking in the first place, a mature understanding love.

     And then the days became weeks, and the weeks became months and so on, and so forth.

     And my brokenness would soon lead to relief, freedom, and renewed hope.

     Healing came. And so did love.



     And now, I'm so grateful to share with you How I Healed From A Broken Heart: 


Forgive:

      This was honestly my very first step. I didn't feel any emotion when I did it in my bedroom by myself, but it was important to get the words out and let my heart follow suit when it was ready.

     Forgiveness is not about excusing or justifying the behavior that this person did to you, but instead, forgiveness sets you free from carrying the burden of hatred. Which by the way takes up far more energy than you would believe!


Talk it Out:

     Having 1 or 2 key people that you can simply share your heart with is key. These are the folks that will just listen and not try to figure everything out for you. And once you're done talking it out. Then talk it out again.

     Each time you talk it out, ask yourself what you're learning about your own heart from the words that you are sharing.

Release & Pray:

      There's so many times when we just don't understand. Why? Why? Why?

     And when it comes to the many layers of a broken heart, one must be prepared to truly release the pain and give it over to God.

    You may find yourself grabbing the pain back once in a while, simply because it was your comfort tool, but just keep releasing. It will be worth it.

Connect/Re-Connect With Those Things You Loved to Do:

     Do you remember you? If not, you're about to go on a journey of recollection and discovery.

     In fact, we all are discovering --what's been there in us, what's still there in us,  and what will continue to be there in our hearts.


And Believe for Better:

     If you can't begin to believe, see, or agree for something hopeful, you'll most likely not recognize or walk away from a truly hopeful adventure and go back into the arms of your painful past cycles.

     Much like how an abused woman will often find/attract another abuser until she starts to believe that she truly is worth more and deserves better.

     You heart is worth so much more than you know. And there's someone out there that truly knows this to be a fact as well as a gift they want to cherish.

     And the first someone who should embrace this revelation... is yourself.





Wisdom's Knocking: 

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, 
and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. 
I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.” 

 ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations