singlehood

How to Get a Good Girl [Back]



     I did this for you. Or rather for us.

     I'm becoming more and more aware of my target audience. And it feels so good and it feels so right to address you all as Queens.

     But now I'm turning our attention to the Kings...

     I'm a little confounded when men cry out that there's no good women out there, or that all the good women are taken. Rubbish.

     They clearly haven't met you or I.  [Subtle Giggle...#Facts]

     So Fellas, here are some of the very tip-toppy ways to get a good girl on your team, in your life, like real loyal, like the status of a wife....

     (Or for some of you...how to try and win her back...)

Let's Go:

A.  Would You "Woo-Woo-Woo..." #JeffreyOsbourne

     Get your "Woo" skills out.

     Texting and Facebook stalkery is not going to cut it here.

     Show her you want her attention. Be intentional and follow through.

     If you don't have her number, ask for it.

     If you have her number, call her (try not to email or text this whenever possible) and ask her for a date (Coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, 20 min. frozen yogurt date, drinks, etc., etc.) at least 2-3 days in advance. Last minute shenanigans shows a lack of respect for her and her time.

     We as women, love to know what we're in for, especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. And if your being wishy-washy about your Woo-Game, then you might just lose a potential Good Girl...

     If you've dated her in the past, take her to one of her favorite spots.

     And all in all, the art of wooing a woman has a lot to do with listening to her and looking her in her eyes.  Let her express her day, her hopes, her dreams, her disappointments without interruption.

     At the end of your time with her, it should be clear to her that you are saying, "You should be mine...all mine."




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B.  Emotionally Invested

     Are you the guy that's been so wounded by women and people that you brood all day and play a guitar all night?

     Is your heart even open for love?

     When you as a man, choose to allow your heart to feel and not only feel, but get emotionally connected to a good girl--your life will never be the same.  #Trust

     She will fill the reservoirs of your heart with joy, encouragement, and hope for your future. She'll make sure you're on the road to reaching your dreams as well as her own.

     When you show an active interest in at least one or two things that your particular Good Girl likes to do, or her work/career grind, she will be one of your biggest cheerleaders in life.

     Furthermore, when you choose to not only invest in her personal endeavors, but to invest emotionally -- sharing your own stories, those stories that have shaped your life, whether trauma or triumph, you're letting your lady know that she's the one you're choosing to share your heart with and you want her to be a significant part of your life.






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C. Compliment Her

     So yeah. That's pretty straightforward....

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 D.  Tell it to the World

     Sure, you can make it "Facebook Official", but more importantly, your family and close friends should know when you are really startin' to "feel" a particular Good Girl.

     And yes, there might be haters out there. And haters gon' hate.

     But when your Good Girl sees that you aren't ashamed to tell the world about your love and adoration for her, I can guarantee she's gonna want to stick around for the long run. #TeamLoyal





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Bonus Material:  
     You've noticed she's sultry and cute on Instagram and looks intriguing--even on Facebook, but how do you know she's not crazy? Better yet, how do you know if she's a ride or die, legit "Good Girl?" 
How to Spot a Good Girl: 
+An online presence just isn't' going to cut it. You'll need real life experience for this. 
+You think you've spotted a Good Girl online...Well... as quick as you can, get from the virtual world to the real world. Be brave. Shoot her a message via email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. BUT be a Gentle-man about yours. And if you two have mutual friends, even better (actually PREFERRED). But start a gentle dialogue online for at least a few weeks. Ask her how her day was, what's she's looking forward to, etc. After a few weeks, if it's wise, safe, and advantageous (for BOTH involved), and she hasn't put the pause or halt on your communication, ask her for a low-key coffee date. The goal is to get from the virtual world to the real world as soon as possible, to find out the Truth: 
+ How does she talk about her friends, people in general -- if she's prone to gossip and see the worst in a given situation. All I have to say to you is: NOPE. 
+Look for the girl who is genuinely encouraging the heck out of the other ladies in the room. 
+Look in your circle of amazing friendships, often we discount our own circle of friends. But get over that awkwardness and take the leap!
+At a coffee shop, notice how your potential crush talks to the barista or cashier.
People are constantly showing you who they really are, we simply have to pay attention...#Selah









Wisdom's Knocking:

He who finds a wife, finds what is good.
And receives favor from the Lord.

- Proverbs 18:22








"Let Him Live"



     Let me explain.

     I'm waiting.

     I'm waiting ever so patiently for a response from a kind soul.

     He said he would reply.

     And I believe that he will.

     But he hasn't yet.

     But in the meantime, my mind is playing tricks on me, and my heart is concocting crazy stories and scenarios.

     Something happens to us when we are forced to exercise patience. And let me just tell you, it's not always pretty.

     Why am I banking so much on a certain reply...

     Well therein lies my current expectation, of which I'm not quite ready to face.

     Unrequited love/like is the pits, and like you, I've had my fair share.

     It can feel a bit exhausting to believe, to hope, to trust in love just one more time.

     But that's the only way I know how to live.

     Meanwhile, I'm out here trying to follow my own advice, you know, not act thirsty, keep hope alive (even though I haven't dated anyone in over 10 years (not a misprint), and know that I'm a high value type of girl,  through and through--I mean:



     This surge of confidence has come from a variety of kindhearted people who took the time to read, "Excerpts" and expressed to me how much they believe in my own love story unfolding one day soon. Thank you. And Thank you.

     I am still humbled and in awe at how many of my guy friends and male co-workers are so protective of me. I love it. And Guys: When it happens for real for me, you'll be some of the first to know. I promise. And thank you for telling me I'm beautiful. These things don't fall on ungrateful ears. I hold them close.

     So what do I do, while I wait on his reply...

     Well.

      I'm just going to let him live.

     He knows I'm here.

     I know he's there.

     Maybe it's nothing.

     Or maybe it's something.

     And maybe we both know, but are too afraid to say...




Wisdom's Knocking:

“Don't try to rush things: for the cup to run over, it must first be filled.”

 ― Antonio Machado





Guest Post: "Know You, Love You, and Be You"

     I started dating late in life. I joke I had the understanding of a 16 year old but a body of
a 25 year old. Needless to say I learned a hard lesson on how nothing good happens
after midnight. I got wrapped in a relationship without commitment and once a soul tie
was made, I lost “me” along the way. It's been a long journey that I'm still walking out
but who I am today is more gracious, loving and fearless because I've allowed myself
the grace to accept all the good, the bad and ugly.




     Here's some nuggets I've learned along my “34 year” way.

     Know you, Be you and Love you.

     You have to know who you are before you can know who you are in a relationship.
You have to be you in all your quirkiness and give them the permission to love you
just as you are. You have to truly love yourself with all your junk knowing you are a
beautiful work in progress. Being authentic with yourself gives you a healthy ability to
grow and just BE in a relationship. If you like doors to be opened don't apologize for
it, just give them grace to learn but stand your ground. If hanging with your bros is
important then stay true to that while respecting the time and needs of your girl. I am
a true believer in making what's important to them important to you but make sure you
don't lose “you” along the way. Having self-respect is one of the greatest gifts you can
give yourself and it starts with loving your beautiful, messy, honest, (sometimes) crazy,
adorable, loveable self.

    Shame is a prison but you have the keys.

     If you have gone places in the past that has brought you shame, Let It Go! Shame is
an awful thing that paralysis you from your potential. It makes you seem small when
really you are strong, able, vivacious and free. Shame defines you as “less than”,
Grace defines you with respect, honor, and worth. What you do might shape you but
it doesn't define you. Don't allow shame to steal a minute, a day, a year of your life.
Acceptance of what was and the ability to set it free will give you grace to lift up your
head in dignity and receive the love that is for you. No good comes from shame.

     What is for you will not pass you by.

     I have been trapped by fear that “IT” may never come unless I work at “it” and make
“it” happen. If I pray a little harder, dream a little bigger, focus more intently it will
suddenly manifest. But as cliché as it sounds when you least expect it, that is when
it happens. Shifting your attention off the thing is not only healthy but helpful. I think
when we want something so bad we send out this needy energy that can come across
as “too much” and unattractive. You might not say I'm desperate with your words but
it's oozing from your very being. The best way to combat “desperato-ville” is to take
your energy off “when will it come” and put it on “who you will be when it does”. I truly
believe that the right (un-perfect) but perfect for you person will come and the best
is to rest in that fact. Find new hobbies, live full adventures, make memories with the
best human beings you've surrounded yourself with and when your person comes they
will be a beautiful addition to a full life that already exist.

     You are enough. You're growing, learning, being and trusting. You are in the right
place. Shake off what was and set your soul free. Lift up your eyes and hold on to
hope. It will happen. Don't sweat it, control it, fear it or force it. Rest in the fact it WILL
come to pass and be okay that there is nothing you can do about it.


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     Kristen Joy Hilyard is a Texas based designer that over the last few years has stepped into her role as a life stylist expert. Through life experience, schooling, creativity, intuition and culture she has grown as an artist and recently launched her business 33Perspective. 

    33Perspective marries her passion for design with her desire to impact pertinent issues related to violence, isolation, and re-imagining one’s life. Each of her pieces are hand design and crafted with intention. 

     Whether stamped, beaded, sculpted or found, they are inspired with herself and others in mind. Her varied experience and influence in the entertainment industry includes the lead role in a short independent film, featured in local and national commercials, and several news segments on Fox News, Great Day Houston, Mirror Mirror, and as a co-host on a political talk show on CNN 650 Radio News. 

     Bohemian in style she frequently sports a sparkle headband with her blonde beach waves and will break out in song at any moment of the day. Spontaneous dancing usually follows…if you are lucky enough to be in her proximity, you will find yourself somewhere in her twirl. Her desire is to connect with the human spirit, and listen and decipher the intentions and hearts of all who visit her future talk show.



You can find out more about Kristen Hilyard here:  http://www.kristenjoy.com/








Holding Patterns




     I'm in a holding pattern of sorts.

     I can feel it.

     And as much as I'd like to buck the ways of the universe right now, something tells me to get still. To chill. To relax.

     This morning, I got an interesting Facebook friend request.

     When I saw the face of this guy, my stomach literally leapt, flew, fluttered, and then tried to carry on as if nothing had ever happened.

     Of course, I already knew who this guy was. But I am no longer falling for a man over a merely friendly gesture. So, I accepted the friend request with a semi-frozen heart.

     But the nerve of my heart and body to still have such a strong reaction to his presence.

     And all the while, I feel like a little red plane circling in the skies, waiting for the control tower to give me permission to land.

     Land where, exactly? I'm not entirely sure.

     But I spent a Wednesday with one of my dearest friends, Yajaira.



     We spent the day eating, walking, bumping into old friends, people watching, and listening to each other's tales of heartbreak and disappointment.

     I don't know how long this holding pattern will last, I'm honestly praying that it will be over once I wake up tomorrow, or by the time you finish reading this post.

     But repeat after me: "Good things still happen."



     They happen in big packages and small. And sometimes even medium packages.

     Today, Yajaira and I embraced our small packages, called them blessings, and hugged each other like sisters when it was time to say good-bye.




     We in our laugh-crying state of being, hope that our future is more memorable than our past, but we are painfully aware that it will take blood, sweat, and tears--otherwise known as waiting, to get there.

     Meanwhile, life is still being lived.

     Beauty is still all around us.




     And even though the drab of missed opportunities and unmet expectation linger in the atmosphere, God is known for taking brokenness aside and making it oh, so incredibly and surprisingly beautiful.




Wisdom's Knocking:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." 

In its time.

-Ecclesiastes 3:11a









Companionship

     In honor of National Poetry month, I thought it'd be fun this week to dig up some uber dramatic poetry that I did in my twenties, dedicated to my future husband. First up, "Companionship"!





Companionship

So-- am I finally ready to accept?

It is so clear when I have space
Space to move and to think

I have felt free, this day I have no more
Heart and soul murmurs
My heart now beats like an African drum

Your eyes are what draw me in 
To tell the story
To show me why
I've prayed for you and asked the Divine
I concentrate on words as if they were my last

With you I see my future, present 
And my past.